Part One.

He flipped his hair in front of his face, as if maybe it was something he were trying to hide behind. Green shoes enveloped his feet with the essence of secrecy. He dragged them across the runway that led directly towards me, scuffing the floor as he wandered through life searching for something. Something more than hollow nights filled with empty friendships. I studied his presence from the floor up until my heavy eyes were locked upon his. At first glance, you would never have guessed that behind the hair that covers his legs are scars that reveal the dark conflicts he battles within himself. By the gleaming green shade of his eyes you never would have thought that blade-like tears pierce his cheeks as he recollected his broken heart. At the soft glaze of his hands you wouldn’t be able to see that beneath his wrists were incisions carved by lies that his one love strung him upon. By the timid look on his face, the way he looked at me, you never would have known that I was the cause of all of his pain.

The words silently exchanged across the room were merely a reflection of how uncomfortable things have gotten between us. Awkward smiles and crooked glances were quickly shot away at the first hint of any conflict resurfacing. At this point, the only choice that I had was to tuck away all of the emotions I was trying so desperately not to display. I had lost who I was, I had lost who he was. The face that appeared in front of me merely existed in my memory.

Why, Ellard? Why did you do this to me? To us?

Ellard Smith. Sometimes I wonder what his mother was thinking as she signed his birth certificate. But then I realize that it was probably the drugs that she must have spent hours scraping up from underneath her couch. He didn’t look like an Ellard, but that was what I liked about him. He appeared one way, but in reality was completely different. I could still remember the first day I saw him, the day that it all started, the day that I chose between my destiny and where I am now…

School was over, which marked the moment that I finally got released from this place, at least for the day. I always hated being forced to wake up at the first ray of sunlight just so I can walk around the hallways surrounded by people that barely even notice I’m right next to them. I never took the time to stop and realize anyone around me, either. I never seemed to notice anything as it really was. I silently tucked my head into my chest without hesitation and uneasily joined the multitude of calamity day after day. Each of us pacing our way past each other, furtively avoiding the loquacious bray weaving its way from ear to ear. Maybe ignoring my surroundings for such an extensive amount of time was part of the reason why I didn’t notice Ellard until that day.

I’ve heard his personal life talked about through the rumors of the hallways a reasonable amount of times to know that he lived with his grandmother. Every year our school held an award ceremony for the students who excelled in specific areas of academics. Ellard hasn’t missed a day of school since he was in first grade, which landed him the perfect attendance award. Each year his grandmother sat amongst the crowd, with an expression written across her face revealing how proud she was. It gave me the strangest feeling of happiness each time I saw her at the ceremony. Other than the occasional encounter at the local supermarket, the only time I ever saw her was at school events.

That is why spotting Ellard’s grandmother working her way through the crowd of students at my school surprised me. I unconsciously watched her walk against the herd of chaos uncouthly passing her by. She was delicate with her every move, graciously extending her neck to see above the rest of us. As Ellard’s grandmother scanned the crowd, I knew that something was wrong by they way she was presenting herself. She didn’t seem to be the same joyful woman I saw every year at the ceremony.

My eyes tried to follow where she was searching.

Maybe she needs my help...

My thoughts were halted by the sight of Ellard; hands stuffed in his pockets, ears plugged with composition, and his mind blocked by leisure. I guess I wasn’t as unaware of everyone around me after all. My mind raced with the chance of losing him in the rush of people that surrounded us.

Why do I care so much?

After making sure I knew exactly where his grandmother was, I took my first step into Ellard’s life, and my first step towards darkness. Before I knew it, I found myself weaving through the crowd. I quickly approached him, lightly tugging his sleeve, hoping he at least knew who I was by face. The surprised look on his face echoed the thrust of nerves that drove through my veins and influenced me to say,

“Your grandmother is here.”

No response.

Great.

He stared at me as if I were toxic and my mind raced as I tried to figure out exactly why he refused to look into my eyes. I watched him trace his way around my features without notice. The gems of poison passionately placed upon his face captivated me.

“I think she’s looking for you…Ellard.”

It was then I realized that his music was still playing.

Am I really that uninteresting?

He struggled to lower the volume. It seemed as if he were testing me out before he let me disrupt him. I guess I passed. He widened his eyes, raised his eyebrows and gestured me to continue with what I was trying to say. I instead pointed, keeping my eyes focused on his expression. When he recognized his grandmother he completely transformed. This was the first of many times I would see this side of Ellard.