Monday, November 22, 2010

16.

It's been difficult to accept the reality of things. Some how, in some completely psychotic way, I just can't accept what is right in front of me. It's completely insane, and the weirdest part is is that I know that it's insane. I am 100% aware of how stupid I'm being, but I just can't get my actions, or my mind, to accept it. Why hold on? Why even think? My thoughts are the poison, and I'm feeding into it all. Every little pulse of stupidity that my head feeds my heart, each tiny blood cell filled with doubt and longing for something that I never had, and will never have. Why? I will never know the answer. I will never know why my heart sank when I saw that. I will never know what I didn't have, why nothing worked. I have no answers, I have no logic. All I have is a persistent series of thoughts mixed with the hopes that my vast imagination will emerge. Emerge from the darkness, from my thoughts, from my dreams. I have never dreamed the same dream until that day. That one day, the day that changed everything as I would know it. You will always be nothing but a reoccurred character of my subconscious mind. And I will always be nothing at all.

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